you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize