Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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