A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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