what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
