I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
