rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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