he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
