checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
