his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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