that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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