the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
