I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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