Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
