my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
