All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
