Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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