She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
