We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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