It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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