So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
