every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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