Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
