So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
