you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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