when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
