cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
