Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hippo gnu deer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
