i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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