So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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