our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
