What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
