It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
