Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
