forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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