Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
