you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
