tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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