i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
