There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
