Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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