Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
