i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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