Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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