SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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