I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
