There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
