i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
