she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
