I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize