If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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