I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
