Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
