Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
