I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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