Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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