My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
