My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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