Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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