I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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