I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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